It's 10.10.2021 today. We're in October already!
Adele's about to come out with her new single next week so I'm on an Adele binge on Spotify now to prepare myself for the absolute feels she's about to have us all on.
I've been doing ok. There have been some really fun evenings and then there have been sad, quiet mornings for me. But I suppose that's just how we all go through things. Not one person has gone through 100/100 perfect days. And I've learnt that instead of forcing yourself to get over it, the best way about it is to welcome and embrace that and live through it. The more you tell yourself to get over it, the more you're actually thinking about it kan? So just take it in, be one with it, acknowledge it and live with it. It's only going to help you move on.
I won't indulge in the juicy details (or lack thereof) but I will just say that I'm always very grateful for everything that has happened and the people I've met along the way. There have been times when I was younger where I'd cry over things that didn't go according to plan and thus was "the end of me" (dramatic) but now I can hardly remember what those things were. And if I'm really looking at it optimistically, those things just... pass and I was on to my next best thing. I was so sad I didn't get the grades I wanted for SPM but I managed to pull through and get into KYUEM. Part of me thinks that if I had excelled, would I've been chucked into a different school instead? I was sad I didn't get to go to London for school but I got into Bristol instead and it turned out to be the best thing for me. If I had gone to London, would I have had a better experience than the one I had in Bristol? If I had decided to go for a "better" job than interning at Nelissa Hilman, would have I met a better friend than Anis is to me? Would I have met the people that are so dear to me if not for the missed opportunities? All that initial heartbreak and pain had to happen in order to bring me the happiness that came in ten fold right after. The magnitude of that joy that followed made the initial sadness of the closed door seem so negligible.
So as I weather through this icky stupid feeling, I'm trusting God as I have always that He's looking out for me. My biggest comfort is that the person who loves me most in this world is my mum. And God loves me infinitely more than my own mother. Would mama put me through something she knows wasn't the best for me? No. So what more God. I trust and I trust and I trust. All good things await for me and all things bad are distanced far from me. For as long as I do right by God and I continue praying and I continue to look for Him for answers and comfort, insyaAllah I'll be put in His greatest care. Our doas are always answered in our best interest. For when you are moved to make a doa, insyaAllah that is His sign that your doas will be answered for He won't make you beg for something that He won't give in His own good timing. You just gotta trust and insyaAllah I'm trusting and believing that all that is meant for me will find its way to me soon.
"Let time be patient. Let pain be gracious"
And with that I'm going to live my best life and enjoy every bit as it comes. Acknowledge and welcome the sad evenings as much as I embrace the exciting start of mornings. It's the only way I know how.
A dear friend told me this quote to which I've learnt to internalise slowly:
You can't force someone to see that you're a blessing,
you just gotta let 'em miss out
So here's to the ones missing out.