Thursday, October 29, 2015

London and Stress

I've just finished with my assignment. Pulled an all-nighter and felt so tired after submitting it. At 8 am.

Remind me to never ever do last-minute work.

I spent the weekend in London because my aunty and cousin were here for a week so I went to go see them. So that was 2 days of being unproductive. Really, I have been having long, long nights doing this essay (I don't know why it was so difficult this time around, I usually don't mind doing essays!) that when we were having an hour break from classes yesterday, I was looking at lecture slides on my phone and then I went

" Lynn, have you seen my phone anywhere?" and got panicky and checked my bag, pockets, underneath my books.

Only for Lynn to say, "Nadia... it's there".

Right in front of me.

I was finding for my phone whilst using it...


Can you see how derailed I can get when stressed.

Well, that's over and done with! And while I'm waiting for my Korean drama to load (this is probably the best thing from doing my essay - I've refrained from watching anything online because I knew I wouldn't have had time otherwise), I decided to blog a little about my London weekend.

I have a love-hate relationship with London. I used to LOVE it but after getting so used to Bristol, I much, much prefer the laid-back vibe it exuded over London's craziness. I find I walk so much faster once I step into London and I HATE IT!!!! I usually walk quite fast anyway but London pace is another thing. I always am so tired after a day out. And then there's the tubes - going up and down the stairs, with like a million people walking from all direction. And the thing I don't like most is how it's so expensive. Thankfully I had my aunt here so my meals were paid for (hehe thank you, Aunty Nazu don't know if you read my blog... hopefully you don't) so that was one less thing to be mindful of.

But even transportation kills you. So mahal!!!! So happy to be back in Bristol.

Although I will say this.

London excites me; there's so many things to do and to eat and to see and it's just always appealing. Everything is charming and you always see something new. I do love it and as much as I am so reluctant to go there, I do look forward to be in the city. And there's something in the water in London lah, I've been pretty good with my shopping in that I've not shopped for myself in AGES! As soon as I was in London, I jus had the strongest urge to shop. Didn't buy the pair of jeans I wanted (Mum, that's £42 saved!), but I did get a Brandy Melville top and some hoop earrings. The Topshop on Oxford Circus does things to you...

But man, a weekend is enough to tire you out! Gonna conserve my energy now and stay in and watch Korean dramas that I've missed so much!

Mikhail was sweet enough to use some of the allowance Pak Tok gave him to buy us Amorino ice-cream! 

Other than just going around the usual spots in London, nothing much happened. But it was nice to be in familiar company. Always a good time with family.

Hope you had a stress-free weekend!!!


Sunday, October 18, 2015

For Twenty Year Olds Who Have Never Loved

Pana, my less than affectionate friend, sent me this short article after I tweeted out an emotional tweet at 4 in the morning,

"For Twenty Year Olds Who Have Never Loved"

All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover's sweater or "forgotten" it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they're both having a separate anxiety attack.

This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolute no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth?

The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is "wondering what it's like to meet someone like you" and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot 'em-up drug, and they're just about ready to inject it into someone else's bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen.

At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you'd still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else's hands were on your waist, someone else's eyes boring into yours.

Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people of day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you're going to hit the point where you're so desperate for human contact that you're going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk.

But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you've done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting. 

The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they're looking for a lover too. 

They're what you might call a soulmate.

They think they're all alone in feeling the way they do, but you're really both two halves of a whole.

And one day, you'll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be out together, and you'll make one."

And she ended the text with "Tunggu sat, he's eating ramen now. Night Nadia"

I cried reading this, not only because it hit me right in the heart, but also because it was from Pana. Like I said, she doesn't show affection easily to her friends so this was easily the sweetest thing she's done for me, whether she knows it or not. I was a bit emotional that time of night so when I read this, it comforted me a bit. Thanks, Pana, you're a gem, I kinda, maybe, sorta love you.


Friday, October 16, 2015

Be better

At this very moment, I'm almost tearing up listening to a Korean ballad, waiting for my rice to be done, anxiously waiting for the next 'She Was Pretty' episode and contemplating whether I should get that pink jacket from Zara.

More often than not, I always wonder what people are doing. When I was young, I would always wonder to myself

"What is Britney Spears doing at this EXACT moment?"

Really. I'd do it all the time because I just feel like how cool is it that I'm here eating nasi berlauk at home and Britney Spears might be performing somewhere to a crowd of 50,000 people.

I've been really into reading Humans of NY posts on Instagram. I've followed them a while ago and I've always found their posts to be really interesting. But recently, there was a collection of stories by refugees and it really is something else.

So as I'm here on my bed, waiting to hear that 'Click!' sound my rice cooker makes when it's done, with the heater next to me, I also wonder what some people are going through at this very exact moment.

Humans of NY is an amazing platform to let the world know of the hardships people go through. Everytime I read a difficult story, I become more and more grateful for everything I have. Some people have gone through really hard times and at such a young age and here I am, healthy and well with my great family and friends, studying abroad. This is luxury - the life I'm living. It really puts things into perspective.

I used to really complain about the things I didn't have but I've grown to stop doing that. For everything I don't have, I have a thousand more things to be thankful for. So I always try to stop myself from whining and being bratty because what I have, what I've had, what I'm doing, what I've done, where I am and where I've been have all been an incredible blessing and I am thankful beyond description. I'm reminded of this daily, if not every minute of the day.

I hope to only be a better person as I grow older because for everything I had and have, it's the one and only thing I can do. There's no reason at all for me to be bitter and difficult to other people so that's my resolution now onwards. To just be better.


Thursday, October 8, 2015


I've been learning about 'personal change' in one of my classes for the past two weeks. It's been emphasising on how an individual adjusts him/herself to a change in their lives. Let it be driving a brand new car or in my case, moving to a new country.

I personally think I've been adjusting well although admittedly, it took me some time.

One thing I still haven't gotten myself used to is socialising with the locals. They're great people and they're very nice and sweet and Malaysians have a lot to learn from them in terms of common courtesy but I honestly don't think we'd have loads to talk about.

I enjoy being in the company of people who I can just talk rojak English and Malay with and talk about how we miss nasi lemak.

So as much as I'd like to think the locals are being accommodating to the tons of international students here, not everyone can get on the same page. Nor do they want to.

So with that being said, I don't really like it when people say

"Why are Malaysians only hanging out with other Malaysians? We're in a different country, we should socialise with the locals!"


I don't think the people saying this know how hard it is for some others to 'socialise'. We're just simply not on the wave length, at least I know I'm not. I don't enjoy the idea of going clubbing with loud music and drinking and getting drunk. My idea of fun is being at a friend's house and playing Avalon with some pizza and Coke.

Of course although I don't get it, I don't get to judge anyone else's idea of fun. I know I wouldn't like it if people judged my ideal Friday night (consisting of binging out on both snacks and shows) (or a good ol' night out at the mamak with my friends).

One thing they don't tell you before you leave for university abroad is that you find that you often have very very little to talk to the locals about.

For me, to be completely honest, being abroad as an international student feels like the girl in class sitting way back in the corner who didn't really have any friends and had to awkwardly join any group who was short on members during a group assignment.

I don't know how else to put it but in all of my school years ('cept for when I was in Standard 1 and 2 when I was absolutely bullied by the teacher!!!! Ugh I still remember her name and I still really hate her!), I was always in the main social circle. I had lots of friends and even if one friend didn't come to school, I would have plenty more to hang with. I could seamlessly be friends with a lot of people.

I still remember once, there was a German girl, Sophie, who came to our school for a student exchange programme and she sat at the back in our class and often looked lost because everyone was speaking English so weirdly (our Malaysian English sound very incomprehensible to the Westerners) and she always looked out of place.

For the past 2 years in the UK, I feel like I'm her.

I'm thankful, though, that I have two friends who have been with me from Day 1 of classes 'til now so I'm ok, I think but still. I always feel like I'm Sophie.

So, why do I hang out with Malaysians?

Familiarity. I hang out with Malaysians because of familiarity. The same kind of generosity and the same kind of warmth the Malaysians radiate is unlike any. I'm able to be my most comfortable self when I'm amongst other Malaysian friends. I definitely think a lot of my classmates think I'm the most quiet person they've ever come across because I hardly make a peep in class and lectures. When I first got into class on my first day, you really should see how genuinely surprised they were when they heard me speak English. "How are you able to speak English so well? You sound better than Joe!" It's the 21st century and they still can't comprehend that countries far and away from them are able to converse in proper English. One even asked me, "Wait so your alphabet's like ours??".
I can't even.

And I find that I'm a lot more talkative and a lot more sociable with other Asians, not necessarily just Malaysians. I think I'm a lot more comfortable in the presence of other Asians, like I can talk to them easily and I'm way less intimidated to strike a friendly conversation with them than with a Westerner.

It could be just me or a lot of people could be agreeing with me and nodding along every sentence they've read thus far.

Regardless, I think it's quite unfair for people to ask why Malaysian students are only hanging out with other Malaysians just because they're out and about with their Westerner peers.

Not everyone can be on the same wave length and not everyone shares the same set of social skills. People function differently.

Ideal night in for me would be drinking green tea and blogging and Youtubing at the same time while listening to K-Pop.

But we all know that.


Saturday, October 3, 2015

September Favourites

I love blogging - I just wished I did it more often! I always forget what I wanted to initially blog about or sometimes, I blog halfway and for some reason, I just leave it and it goes into Drafts in which I never even try to resurrect the blog post.

Anyway! It's the beginning of the month, and so I shall do a Monthly Favourites post! My favourite kind.

1 Skinny Mint tea

I think I might have mentioned somewhere on my blog about the detox tea I was on. It's called 'Skinny Mint'. And I loved it! I'm all out now so I'm thinking if I should restock or not (I hate it when I have to spend my pounds) (Eh-heyy, spending pounds to lose pounds eh-hey!). I think I'll get it with my next allowance.

I got it after Ramadhan because I read the FAQ segment of the website and there was a disclaimer saying that you shouldn't drink this tea during fasting because it doesn't work as well and well, there's nothing much really to detox from. So, after Raya and after Seoul, I bought it and have been using it everyday since!

I really, really like it. I haven't weighed myself simply 'cause I don't have a weighing machine here and the one back home was so discouraging (ugh) but what I got out of it was that I was definitely less bloated. And I didn't eat as MUCH as I used to. I still ate rice though and all that good stuff, just that my portion grew smaller. Y'know, from like 3 helpings to 2... (hahahahahahelp)

But really, I was a lot less bloated and besides, the tea was surprisingly good for detox tea. I always had this assumption that anything that was 'detoxifying' would be icky but this was good. Even for someone as picky as me.

I would have the Morning Boost every morning, that's supposed to make you feel full and so you don't tend to overeat throughout the day. I prefer this one over the Night Cleanse.

The Night Cleanse, I'd have it every other night. It has a stronger, almost spicy, taste to it but still good nevertheless. Like I said, I was pleasantly surprised as to how sedap it was. They emphasised this a lot on their website, saying how their tea was sweet and not bitter but thought that was all just for marketing sake!

2 Red Velvet's new album

'The Red' is so good! I loved almost every song. Expected from an SM group. I feel so jealous for some reason on behalf of other agencies that SM always produces quality music because of their resources. Most of the songs have very catchy hooks and the vocals are so impressive!

But I'm also so in love with GOT7's new title track, 'If You Do' and the choreography is sick. Expected from JYP! I really hope this that song is able to pave their way to getting first place at any music shows! They deserve it.

But, anyway, K-Pop enthusiasts! My favourite songs from 'The Red' is 'Dumb, Dumb, Dumb', 'Campfire' and 'Oh, Boy'. All so good and all songs I dance and sing to in the shower so y'know they're worthy. You can try listening to them in my Soundcloud playlist below.

3 3CE's Fresh Aqua Mist

I LOVE THIS STUFF! Tania and I both bought each and I really wished we'd stock up. It smells amazing and it gives you the typical Korean glowy look. You just casually spray it all over your face for a fresh pick-me-up whenever you need it.

My make-up here in the UK is so... flat. Because it's cold and so I don't really sweat (nor do I in KL but I mean, no heat lah basically so no oily face) and my make-up stays put and I guess that's a good thing but I miss my glowy, healthy shine make-up in KL. Ok fine, so it was just oil and sweat but it was admittedly nice looking because skin looks so moisturised and healthy. Here, I have to fake it and this mist helps me achieve that look. Once I'm done with this small bottle, I think I'll get myself the full sized one. It's such a fun thing also to just put in your bag for whenever you need a bit of life in your face.

4 3CE's Pore Silky Balm

SAH GOOD. When I put this on before my foundation, I swear it hides all my pores. Or rather, it fills it in. It hasn't had a negative effect on my skin, thankfully, in that I haven't had pimples nor zits in the region I apply this on so I'm loving this even more. I've been using it religiously before I apply my make-up and it has helped my make-up look smoother.

I haven't tried other brands so I won't know how this would compare but it's 3CE's best seller so I'm sure there must be a solid reason behind that. Great stuff, one of the things I'd recommend you to get if you were to go on a 3CE spree. Sorry, not 'if', but 'when'. WHEN you go on a 3CE spree. The packaging is too cute to say no to, girls.

5 Face masks

You all know I'm obsessed with my face masks. I bought loads before my trip back to the UK and I've been using it sparingly because I sayang to use them all especially the slightly more pricey ones! I was searching online and I found an Asian beauty and skincare store in London and it's stocked with LOTS of Korean masks so I cannot wait 'til I get to London to go there. I still have lots though so I'm going to use them wisely. They're so cooling and refreshing and gives the moisture my face needs in the midst of the cold weather. I typically use it after I've applied my essence and serum.

Side note : It's been quite warm this past week and I'm thankful for that but news are saying that it's going to be raining all week next week. So that's when you know you're back in the UK. SIGHS GLOOMSDALE!!!

6 MAC's Extended Play Gigablack Lash

How fun is it to work in a make-up company and to have a meeting where you brainstorm product names ?????? #dream

Anyway, I bought this because over Raya, Myra, my cousin, was using it and then, I had just finished mine so I borrowed hers and it was love at first sight. No clumps and extends your lashes a fair bit. The wand works in a way that it separates your lashes nicely so it looks very full. I've been using this all the time nowadays. I don't usually get a high end mascara because I feel like all mascaras are the same but this one is so good that I had to make an exception.

And I used my duit raya so it was all good. Painful but worth it.

7 My new haircut

Sounds like I'm bragging but I've never loved my hair more than I do now. It's short, it brushes my shoulders just barely and it's dark. VERY dark. Even my brother, who came over to stay with me for a bit, noticed it when he first saw me

"Oh wow, your hair is so black"

And this is my brother we're talking about. He's like my dad in that sense, never notices anything whenever any of us do anything new to our appearance.

I had it dyed really dark because I wanted my roots to blend easily when it grows out. If you've dyed your hair, you know what I mean. The pain of seeing your ugly roots in stark colour contrasts is so irritating. So, I decided to save future Nadia's money and effort and time and decided to go back to being a completely dark brunette. It's almost black, just almost. I requested for the darkest colour after black and my trusty hairstylist did just that.

He cut my hair exactly the way I wanted and I really, really like it. I don't know why I didn't just had my hair cut ages ago. So easy to upkeep and control. Showers are so much easy (not necessarily any quicker though, I still spend ages in there) and my hair doesn't fall out as much and as easily as it used to when I had long hair. And it's so easy also with short hair, you don't have to style it as much. In fact, I like it when it's messy. The messier, the better for short hair. Looks so natural and effortless. A lot less maintenance with shorter hair.

This might be such a different look for me in a while because I've had so many boys comment on my new hair saying how it's so dark and so short. They're so used to seeing me with long and dyed hair so this is new for them. And for me, But regardless, I love it loads.

Also, if you're looking for a good hair stylist, I swear by mine. He used to only just do blow dry's for me but I trusted him enough to let him cut my hair. His name is Keaton and he works at the Organic Hair Salon in OU, next to Padini (second wing, 2nd floor). Give him a try!


I've been watching a new K-Drama called 'She Was Pretty' and it's only 6 episodes in but I am loving every second of it. I don't usually watch K-Dramas, contrary to popular belief, because if the first episode doesn't appeal to me, it's very difficult to pull me in for a second one. But this, I'm just loving it from A-Z and it's just so good lah, so much so that I try to prolong it by pausing here and there and do other things before coming back to the episode. Odd like that but tu lah. Watch it! If anyone has a recommendation of any good K-Dramas, tell me!! My preferred genre is a sweet and cute and romantic plot and cute actors also. That always helps.

Oh! And I went to the Korean mart again yesterday and I asked the lady if she knew of anyone who can teach Korean and she immediately pointed to a flyer stating just that! I emailed as soon as I can and it starts next Wednesday !! I haven't gotten a reply yet but I hope I get to go ! Stoked hehe, will blog about it!

I'm actually blogging whilst waiting for my mum to Facetime me but she's out with my dad and they've probably forgotten about me... #firstchildproblems


'Til next time!