Sunday, August 31, 2014


(Please, I ask for your kind consideration to take this as my own opinion and you are welcome to disagree with me but just keep in mind, that this is my own point of view and I am very passionate about it as it is affecting my family and my friends. Also this is coming from a very frustrated 21 year old girl so please excuse me while I rant)

Now, I try to understand points of view from both parties most of the time so as to not misconstrue a situation. But if there's one topic that gets my blood boiling and need no justifying from any party, it's the issue of scholarships and loans.

During KYUEM, I was a privately funded student. And if you know the college, you know that the place is full with scholars. Deservedly so, they are all a bunch of bright students and even if you scored 10As during SPM, you will find yourself to be completely undermined because the girl sitting behind you in Math just got awarded the second best in SPM.... out of the whole Malaysia. This is a true story for me.

But, according to my understanding (backed by verified definitions above), scholarships and loans are meant to be given out to the smart and the less financially abled students. Not 'OR', but 'AND'.

"A foundation to provide financial assistance to students"
"An amount of money given by an organisation to help pay for the student's education"

There are a lot of rural schools and sekolah berasrama where some, if not most, students come from difficult backgrounds. As they succeed, they are awarded with prestigious scholarships.

Now, these people, I have absolutely no problems with. I'd be happy. I'd be championing their fight to get the scholarship or loan. 

But, me oh my, the people who have more cars than family members, fly across the world annually ("Hmm business class or first class this time?"), designer shoes, fancy dinner parties, houses too big for anyone, I humbly ask


Are you turning poor from buying that new Mercedes that you had to ask for a scholarship. Are you turning poor from all the vacation you've been having across the world that you've just had to apply for financial help.

These days, organisations are so blinded by who your father is or who your family is rather than what YOU're about and who YOU are. Yes, I know that you lot are a bunch of smart people, I won't hold you against that. But there are a lot more smart students who can't afford to pursue their education overseas. They simply don't have the money. 

Most of you lot reading this who might terasa pedas might very well be my closest friends and I try to not say this openly for fear that you might feel ashamed and embarrassed. Like I've said before, this is a sensitive topic and I try to be quite private about where I stand but I really can't hide my anger anymore.

My issue with this goes to both parties - the scholarship bodies and the financially abled students.

Let's first talk about the organisations responsible for giving out the scholarship and loans.

How is it possible for organisations to award scholarships and loans to the people who can very well afford it? This is such a simple and straight forward question yet it is still so pertinent. It's beyond my comprehension, to be honest. Let's be frank here and address the very apparent fact that high positioned members of society have a HUGE say in organisation's decision to grant someone a scholarship. Let's just put it out there.
In layman's terms, "cable". If you know someone, chances are the scholarship is yours. If your father or mother is someone, chances are scholarship is yours. I'm not generalising, of course. I'm just saying these are examples of what "cable" is. It's a matter of who's who. And it shouldn't be. Do a damn background check, for goodness sake.

"Oh what's this? A 5 figure monthly income? OK LET'S MOVE ON"

I know that organisations grant their prestigious scholarships to the intelligent, I won't discard their reputation. But my point is, there are other worthy candidates who are more deserving of your money. Have scholarship bodies forgotten that the main purpose of a scholarship is to provide financial help to students who aren't able to pay for themselves? A scholarship in all its entirety is MONEY. It is not a social status, it is not a trophy, it is not a title. My friend, Timothy, said that "what should be done is to remove this mindset that needing a scholarship to succeed is the only way". No, it isn't. I won't look at a privately funded student any different than a scholar.

Moving on to the students and the parents.

Can I just first clarify that I have massive respect for people who are successful because that climb to the top is no easy feat and I am an admirer of hard work and perseverance. Really. You are an inspiration, dear CEOs/managers/directors/founders/fancy titled sir or madam. One day, I do aspire to be you but for the meantime, my 21 year old self would like to humbly ask why and how and why and why and why.

I'm not a parent yet but I assume that as a parent, shouldn't your children's welfare be your number one priority? Ok, yes, they are.
So as a parent with a major income, shouldn't their education be the first thing you tick off your "To Pay" list? That's number one, right? Their welfare? Their education? Ok, yes. I can see you nodding from here and I can hear your "YES!" from here.

So why aren't you? Why are you letting someone else do it for you?

Look. If you can afford to give your children the luxuries in life (like a fancy vacation and a gorgeous home and a nice car and pocket money enough to get them that Prada shoes and the Dior bag), then can I just please ask why aren't you paying for the one necessity they need for the sake of their own future - their education? Shouldn't the first thing you think about when you are at that stage in life where you are living comfortably be "Ok, education is taken care of, alhamdulillah syukur, and all from my own hard work" and not "Ok, so which car you want?".

Priorities, sirs and madams, priorities.

"Help" and "Assistance" indicate that the student isn't able to support himself/herself and therefore needs some form of external financial aid to allow him/her to continue in his/her studies. "Help" and "Assistance" don't apply to the people who already have the means to support themselves. If you can, then why aren't you? Catch my drift?

And kids, I know you might tell me "Yes, but as their child, I want to do everything in my power to help lessen their burden" and I think that's incredibly noble of you to do. Yes, as daughters and sons, we want to try and do all that we can to help our parents financially.

But my dear friends, did you really need that new car? Did you really need to fly business class? Did you really need to be draped in designer wear ? If you hadn't bought that car or that flight ticket or that designer handbag, you'd be able to pay for tuition fees. The difference between you and I, my friend, is I don't have my own car to sell off in the first place and I don't get to travel as often as you and even if I did, I'm all the way back in economy and no, I don't have the fortune to be wearing designer because really, for anyone ever, a ridiculous amount of money spent on anything can only be justified if it was something like a first class education (or anything of the kind... y'know something that can be seen as a form of investment).

Don't get me wrong, guys, I'm not disregarding the fact that you are intelligent and well-rounded and you worked hard to get those As and you worked hard to ace that interview and you worked hard to prove why you're a scholar. I know. You are. I can shout it from the rooftops over how smart you lot are. I'm not saying that you don't deserve the scholarship based on your academics. I'm just saying, from a financial perspective (which is what a scholarship is essentially about), that money can be used to fund someone else's education.

So there. Take this post with a pinch of salt. This is my take on a topic I think some people are too afraid to talk about because it is such a touchy subject because personally we do know these people and we don't want to be in anyone's bad books. Believe me, neither do I but I feel like it should be said and it should be acknowledged because it just comes down to it being unfair to the students who are affected by this.

If you agree with me then great, it's good to know that I'm not alone in this. But if you don't agree, then I'd really really love to hear your point of view because even if things get heated, it is always nice to have a healthy debate and hopefully come to some form of understanding from both ends.

Cheers x

(also, for any grammar mistakes or typos, please forgive me for this was edited and posted at 5 am on a Saturday night)

Monday, August 25, 2014

Queen Z


So I just finished watching Beyonce's performance at the 2014 VMAs. She is possibly my favourite ever performer of all time. THE best out there nowadays. It's ridiculous how on point she is with every show she does!!! She really deserves all the success she's having now because I can't level her up with anyone else in the industry. I'm SO SO SO SO happy I went for her concert earlier this year! Ridicccccccccccccccccculous. Watching BeyoncĂ© live should be on everyone's bucketlist. For real! 

Ok fangirling over BeyoncĂ© over) 

So ok, proper blogging ensues!

I'd like to start off by wishing my bestie best girl, Zati, a happy 21st birthday !!!!!! Always the life of the party and the friend I always resort to about my problems. You've been so good to me during the years we've known each other and I appreciate you all the time, babes! Wishing you all the best things in life (so that's Chanel, Balenciaga and Tiffany's..... and success and love)! You deserve it muah muah babe girl!

For her 21st birthday, she called up her closest buds for an intimate birthday dinner at Acme Bar and Coffee at Troika. I've not been there so I relied heavily on my Waze. I like how people are still amazed that I drive here and there. Yes, guys, I drive. (I'm going off a tangent now to declare my love for Waze, that app has a special place in my heart)

I don't know what it is I do but I always manage to be late no matter how early I get ready! I think it's because if I get ready early, I'm so confident that I have so much time left to drive there without even accounting for the traffic or going to the petrol station. And in the end, I actually forgot to bring Zati's birthday present.


It was so nice to see everyone. I hardly see the boys in nice shirts because they're always in their shorts and tshirt so it was a handsome sight. And the girls obviously dressed up, we go anywhere also we dress up lah so the birthday dinner was no different. We don't do dinners as often as we'd like (partly because none of us want to willingly volunteer to organise one, we're the laziest of bums!) so when there is one, I look forward to it like crazy because I get to put on pretty clothes and wear my heels! I try my best to avoid heels because they hurt my poor feet like hell after an hour. But I braved it out and also because I want to appear tall in photos.

I've been wanting to wear this top for so long now! I got so many nice compliments from my friends so it was a good thing I did wear it instead of letting it rot in my closet. It's from Seelovemine and I saw Yasmin Soh wear it on her Instagram and I HAD to get it. So I did. Like, 5 minutes later.

This beaut is 21 now !!!!! Still behaves like 12 but sokay sokay, she has the style of a 21 year old so that's okay. Hehehe.

We spent the night catching up with one another and taking photos and sharing laughs. I love my KY gang and I know we're known as being super clingy but living with one another for 2 years does that to you, like it or not hahahah. Looking forward to more and more birthday celebrations with each other. Sampai ke anak cucu, insyaAllah. How cute our kids will have play dates with one another hwaaa cries

I got her a birthday cake which spells out "Happy Birthday, Queen Z! Xoxo, Gossip Girl" because of her love for that show! Happy that she likes it! (if anyone wants novelty cakes like that, that also tastes AMAZING, can always ask me because I know a lady who makes them! She's been making them since I was small!)

Hope you're having/had a good day, everyone! And even if you didn't, there's always tomorrow. And the next day.


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Questionnaire Take #4

I was reading through my old blog posts and I came across this questionnaire. I remember doing it all the time during the Myspace era! Figured I'd do one now too to pass time.

Where were you 3 hours ago?
I was in bed..... I think I was just off the phone with a friend who laughed in my face when I said I just got up. K, in my defense, I couldn't sleep last night!

Who are you in love with?

Have you ever eaten a crayon?
... No? 

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
My pillow and basically all of my room.

When is the last time you went to the mall?
This is a good question. I was supposed to go today but my bed got too possessive. Geez.

Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope. I'm tired of them after wearing them all the time in the UK! 

Does your family have a car worth over $2,000?

When was the last time you drove out of town?
I don't know if it really counts if I flew out of town to Penang for Raya. I'm about to, though, tomorrow! To Terengganu insyaAllah! 

Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
Nope! There's nothing good in cinemas lately.

Are you hot?
I mean, yeah. 

What was the last thing you had to drink?
Plain water. I think I should pat myself on the back for not drinking too much soda these days. 

What are you wearing right now?
My pyjama pants I got from Primark and a college tee that says 'Work Hard Play Hard' and has 'KYASU' on the back because we're too damn proud of being really really studious. 

Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
I've never washed the car................

Last food that you ate?
Nasi lemak. I'm really really hungry though now. 

Where were you last week at this time?
I think I went out with my friend. I just can't recall who with and where. 

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
NOPE! Achievement, I must say so myself. 

When is the last time you ran?
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ok.

What's the last sporting event you watched?
Honestly? The World Cup finals. Amazing. I can't wait for the next one! DEUTSCHLAND! 

What is your favorite animal?
I don't have one, I'm just generally afraid of all animals - small or big. 

Your dream vacation?
OMG, so the last time I did this same questionnaire, my 2011 self said Monaco and this past year, I did go to Monaco!!!! My dream vacation would probably be somewhere serene and chilled. Like Bali or Bora Bora. 

Last person's house you were in?
My cousin's place to beraya. 

Worst injury you've ever had?
I think I scraped my knee. And that was all the way back in kindergarten. It was bad real bad Joe Jackson. 

Have you been in love?
I don't know

Do you miss anyone right now?
I do. Quite terribly. 

Last play you saw?
I'm so angry at myself for not watching any plays yet!!! I vow to go see Wicked in London soon enough. 

What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
It's this thing called being understanding. If you don't understand why your boy is out late at night to have some drinks (sirap limau kinda drinks, hold your horses), then you're clearly not fun. Lolz x

What are your plans for tonight?
I'm going out for dinner with the parental units. And maybe drinks (sirap limau kinda drinks, guys, geez!) with some friends. If they're up for it. 

Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?
I can't even remember what I did last week, please don't expect so much out of me, guys.  

Next trip you are going to take?
To Terengganu tomorrow. I'll tell you how it goes soon insyaAllah!

Ever go to camp?
Nope, never in my life. And I don't think I will ever. Sorry, Bear Grylls. 

Were you an honor roll student in school?
Nope. But it's never too late! 

What do you want to know about the future?
Honestly. Who I would get married to so then I would know who's wasting my time. Cheh. 

Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
I think I might have a bit of Zara left on me. 

Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
No. Hope nowhere soon! 

Where is your best friend?

How is your best friend?
Syukur alhamdulillah, sihat sihat semua. 

Do you have a tan?
No considering I never leave the house lolz. Jokes. (not really)

What are you listening to right now?
Ariana Grande's 'Best Mistake'. Can't wait for her album to drop, she got dem pipes.

Do you collect anything?
I collect memories. Fuh. But no, I don't .

Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
Me. I am. And Diy. 

Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
Not once. I mean, I don't wanna say I'm a good driver but I mean...

Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
Why wouldn't you! 

What does your last text message say?
"See you tau on Saturday"

Do you like hot sauce?
Forever and always.

Last time you took a shower?
At 4.

Do you need to do laundry?

What is your heritage?
Malay, proudly so. 

Are you someone's best friend?

Are you rich?
I'm fortunate to have had the nicer things in life. Grateful everyday. Always always always feeling blessed.

What were you doing at 12AM last night?
Contemplating my life decisions. Lol jk I was watching SourceFed. 

Saturday, August 16, 2014

A Night Of Trampolines

So last Monday, all 17 of us went to go see what the huge hype around Jumpstreet was.

Guys, the hype is real.

It's sooooooo much fun! I'm the most unathletic person you will come across in your life and even I found this to be so damn fun! I had the best time jumping around with my friends. We even managed to get a dodgeball court and we all had our own trampolines.

If you're thinking of going, I say to go with a big group of friends because that way you won't be too segan to start jumping ('cause I was) and you can play the dodgeball court and start a massive war hahahaha

I got there late because of the darn traffic so I didn't get to play as long as I'd like but even after just 15 minutes of jumping and running around, I was so out of it! My face went tomato red and I was soooo tired! So if anyone is planning to go for the first time, just go for an hour and see how you like it first.

But really really it's so worth it and I recommend it to everyone!!! You'll sweat about 4 buckets worth so wear something light and won't show your pit stains hahaha

It's open everyday according to the guy I asked and you can check the opening hours here! Really really really really fun and really really really really tiring! Perfect workout without sounding and feeling like one.

Happy jumping!


Saturday, August 9, 2014

Us, girls

As a friend and a sister and as a girl in general, I've heard a lot of boy troubles. I've listened, I've advised, I've sighed, I've agreed and disagreed, I've taken sides, I've been on the fence.

But ultimately, I always find myself saying,

"Boys don't know what they do to us sometimes"

It keeps us up at night. It keeps us up thinking about you. We're annoyed at just how much we're consumed by you because most of the time, we're busy convincing ourselves that we're not.

The smallest joy you bring into our lives, they're magnified the second we like you. That small smiley you send us mean much much more than just a small smiley. That 5 minute call just to ask how we are mean much much more than just a 5 minute call when we fall for you. When you say you miss us, don't you know we miss you more. When you say good night and good morning, don't you know that it already is a good night and a good morning because of you. When we catch you looking at us from the other end of a table, smiling, we can't help but let out a sigh because that smile was for us, and only us.

Similarly, the smallest heartbreak you bring onto us, they're magnified. The change in the tone of your voice when you call us, and the change in your affection in your texts. Do you really think we don't know your change of heart. And do you really not know what that does to a girl. When you don't call us anymore and you don't text us anymore without explaining why. When you leave us hanging. When you finally tell us that "they cannot be anymore of you and me". It crumbles us and our hearts gets so heavy. The unhappiness and the heavy feeling of being on that end; I won't wish it on anyone. The heartbreak is real. I've seen it, I've experienced it.

When you have our heart in your hands, be careful. Because once we give away a part of our heart to you, we give it to you completely. It's yours. Even after things have ended, that place in us is yours completely. We don't revoke it just because we're not together anymore. The memories we've made together, we remember. The things you've done for us and the things you do to us, we remember. And it's not because we're obsessed with you, but it's because it was the only thing we can cling on to even when we've become nothing. Because it's the only thing you've given us.

When you put the kissing emoji after a text, it sends us over the moon. When you randomly tell us we're pretty, it sends us over the stars. When you say "Miss you already" with complete honesty in your voice, it sends us to a place beyond our control.

There's something about your name we're so enamored about. Let it be a notification on Twitter or Instagram or when you call us, when we see your name, we linger a little longer. It never bothered us before, but it does now. And we're thinking if you see our names the way we do yours.

You have to be flattered when a girl likes you. Because girls are egoistical beings. They push the idea of you for so long. So when they do allow a little space in their heart for you, treasure it. We don't do that often. I don't do it often.

Some boys might think girls are way way ahead of themselves for thinking about the future. It's not that. It's called being optimistic. We want to think that you're the one. We want to think that it'll work out. We start seeing your name and ours together and we like the way it sounds. I've seen some of my friends so happy and when they gush about their beaus, I can't help but immerse myself in their bubble of love because it's so damn contagious.

You don't know just how much you mean to us. Seeing you makes us weak at the knees and makes our hearts beat faster. Just recently, I was with a friend who met someone who meant a lot to her. They've not seen each other nor talked in a long time. She grabbed me by my arm and said "Nadia, Nadia, Nadia" and when I turned to see her, she had this expression as if she's just seen a ghost. She was shaking. She showed me her hands. They were trembling.

This is what you do to us.

When you make the first move, do you boys not know how much it makes our day. We smile stupidly at our phone screens, going back and forth the keyboard thinking of what to say to you next. We laugh at your jokes and they're not even that funny (ok fine sometimes they are). I can always tell when a girl is texting someone she likes just from how she acts when she's on the phone with him. She puts the phone down after a while but the smile is still sitting on her face.

We remember everything you've said to us. Sometimes, word by word. We take it part by part and analyse it and think WAY too much. We secretly hate it and we wish we could be boys for a second and chill about things too.

We look forward to you everyday. And one of the things that keep us up thinking is whether you look forward to us too.

Our friends know about you, they know about what you did and what you do and what you said and what we did. They just pretend to not know a thing when they meet you.

When things don't go well for us, we start beating ourselves up for it. Sure, we would put the blame on you and we would call you stupid and "ugh, boys" but at 2 am when the house is quiet, instead of taking apart what you say to us, we take apart what we said to you. We slowly feel this huge burden on our backs and question ourselves,

"Maybe it was because of me"

Were we not good enough for you, were we not accommodating enough, were we not worthy enough, were we not fun enough for you, were we not attractive enough.

Were we not enough?

And this part sucks. It really does.
Because we think of the things we could have done better or things we could have changed.

I know someone who couldn't bring herself to see anyone and do anything after her heartbreak. She was left paralysed for a bit because of what happened with her and this boy. And she's nothing like that in nature and I think that made me really see how much affect a boy can leave onto a girl.

Boys, you don't know what you do to us. You make us fall for you, you make us laugh, you make us feel really beautiful, you make us feel like we're the moon and the stars to you, but ultimately you make us really happy. And when I say happy, I mean genuine happiness engulfs us and we are in a state of bliss to be on that receiving end of your morning texts and your good night calls. Our little heart gets so full and we have a spring in our step and we look forward to you everyday.

I've been there myself and it was the loveliest feeling.

As girls, we analyse too much and it's harmful sometimes because we tend to make things up from nothing at all. We spend too much time and so much effort thinking what's wrong with us and why isn't he calling me or why was his last 'Bye' not accompanied with smileys or an 'xx' ? We get so worked up over nothing. Fights come about from us scolding the boys for doing things they never intended on doing. Girls, we have to admit this and we have to fault ourselves.

Boys say we think too much or we feel too much or we're way overbearing and overwhelming with our feelings. To be honest, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's our nature to think a little too much and feel a little too much. It comes with the territory of being a girl. And when we like someone, it goes beyond our control and we fall hard and we fall deep. Sometimes a little too hard and sometimes a little too deep.

And this, this we shouldn't fault ourselves for.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Salam Aidilfitri!

Salam Aidilfitri to everyone!!!

Raya is my favourite time of the year not only because I get to devour the best food but because I love to see families get together from their busy hectic lives and appreciate each other and ask for forgiveness. It's such a joyous time, I can FEEL your Raya spirit from your Instagram photos! It's so nice to see everyone in their new baju raya all sparkling and all fancy! I remember being so excited to wear my new baju kurung and then going to the kitchen to show it off to my grandmother!

I still do it.

I love Raya and every year I'm more and more thankful to be surrounded by my family and to have everyone here, alhamdulillah. And to be constantly served with such good food and an endless stream of kuih raya! Call me blessed.

I hope Raya means a lot to you as much as it does for me. It's a time for family and for friends to forgive each other and to have the time of their lives filling their tummies with the best kind of Malay food there is!! It's also a time to reflect and see how blessed and lucky we are considering there are other places in the world who aren't doing well this Aidilfitri.

Selamat Hari Raya and maaf zahir batin from me and my family to you and yours. I sincerely apologize for any of my wrongdoings, whether it was something I did or said or wrote on this very blog. I know sometimes 'Maaf zahir batin' feels like it's a chore to say to someone, sometimes I feel we've lost the meaning of it. But I'd like to really really say sorry to anyone and everyone for anything I might have done that might have hurt you in any way! I can sometimes be quite oblivious to what I do and say so here's my sincerest apology!

May you and your families be blessed this Raya!

Lots and lots of Raya hugs and kisses and salams from me!