Monday, September 30, 2013


Leaving home was so difficult.

My room, the car, the food, the laundry done and dried and folded, TV, sirap limau, the weather, the malls, the familiar places, my home, my family.

Really, nothing beats home.

Came here with 5 of my mates and no members of my family. Hwaaaaaaaaaa really wanted to turn back halfway and stay at home. It was such a long and tiring journey. KL-Dubai-Heathrow-Bristol haihhhh it was a 24 hour journey all in all. I slept most of the time of course but hwargh still so tiring!

I hate traveling.

But I just had to constantly remind myself that this is what I want and I really should be feeling so blessed and excited and grateful in which I am, of course but at the same time, it was depressing, sad and so nerve wrecking moving into another country with no family!

Bristol has been great so far and it's a gorgeous city! I love it and the people here have been so nice and warm (can't say the same about the weather!) and I love the feeling of being independent and I can't help but pat myself on the back and say "You go, Nadia!" for riding the bus home alone, for dealing with the landlord, for doing the laundry, for buying furniture for my room, for assembling said furniture, for going to classes and lectures.

But it's kinda overwhelming. Classes the first day was such a culture shock for me because everyone around me were new faces and I didn't know anyone and my friends were far away (in different states, different countries, different classes) and I am the only international student in my classes which is wild.
I still haven't gotten used to campus and I still pant my way to classes because it's such a big place and so far away.

So used to driving everywhere at home and now walking is the way of life! By the end of these 3 years, I should be getting myself toned legs! You can't help but walk at their pace and masyaAllah they walk so fast as if they're in a rush (they probably are what with chasing buses and all!). And I feel so small and tiny.

Idk guys, I love Bristol and I'm so grateful for everything but would it be horrid for me to countdown the months til I come home?!?!?!?!

Saturday, September 14, 2013


Bristol, United Kingdom in a week.

So scared so excited so anxious so intimidated so everything. I try to look so cool about it and go all "psh this is no big deal, it's just the UK!" but c'mon, let's face it, this will be a whole new country and although I've been there several times now, I've never had to live somewhere so far away from home.

They say college was 'practice'. But was it really ? When I could go home once in two weeks (ok fine maybe every week) and dump my laundry at home and have good home-cooked food and laze in my own bed while I complain about the heat. 5 days in college is not practice. It's not even close to a 'warm-up'. We're talking 9 months in a foreign country!!

I've always wanted this and now that it's time for me to go, I kinda just want to stay home a little longer. Be with the people at home a little longer. Eat nasi berlauk a lot more and a lot longer. Drive around a little longer. Have dinner plans with my friends a little longer. Lepak a little longer.

Hmm maybe Papa's suggestion to study here (all a joke because he reckons I eat way too much Malay food to survive in the UK) wasn't such a bad idea after all...

Ok no. I always have to remind myself that I've wanted this all my life. To do what my parents did. To study and graduate in the UK. To travel Europe with friends. To experience 4 seasons. To take a train to different parts of England to visit friends. MasyaAllah, how fast time flies. I seriously can vividly remember the car rides home with Mama and she tells me her stories of her university days in the UK. When we've reached home, we would even just stay in the car and I'd listen to her little adventures. It was then, I knew I wanted to do this.

And so I'm here, a week away from boarding the flight to Heathrow airport. The exciting part is that I'm flying with 5 of my other friends. Dahlah all sama row! Hahaha how horribly close-knitted of a group are we, huh? That should soften the blow for when I say bye to my family. Hwaaaaaaaaaaaa such an Asian kid lah. Most Westerners have their kids fleeing from homes at the age of 17/18 and here I am, a 20 year old girl and can't say bye to home yet. And don't want to ever!!!!

But I guess, there has to be that time in life where we have to move forward. From a heartbreak, from a disappointment, from home. As much as I would love being at home, I think I'd be awfully sad not being able to further studies abroad with my mates. It would have been torture to see Instagram photos later on!

I can't wait for this new chapter of my life to begin (um ok how boring is this line)

Let's start again.

Like every season finale of a TV series, the end of college had its bits and pieces of happy and sad and -with A-Levels results unknown to all of us (thus our future)- suspenseful. It was such a good season and I treasure it all and I'd do it all over again. I'm so familiar with the characters and the plots that I just kinda want to stay put and not go anywhere for fear the next season will change things and I liked things the way they were. But more than anything really, I kinda want to watch that new season. I can't wait for the new episode. The trailer/promo looked freaking exciting and all you can do while waiting for the new season to start is to replay the 30 second sneak peak and hope for the best for your characters. But I can't wait. I'm impatient. I want the new season to start now. Sure, some characters won't be there anymore and there will be plot twist at the most unexpected times and we'd all be talking about it with friends and/or Twitter but man, I just want to see what happens.

And that's how university is for me. The promo of this new episode showed the second college ended. Excited and thrilled to be hooked on a new and fresh season. And the 3 months of wait is finally coming to an end. We're all finally here, moments away from tuning in to the new season we've talked about these past few months.

And by next week when I board the plane, I'll be clicking 'Play' and tuning in my own new episode.

May God bless us all in this scary/exciting/intimidating/thrilling new experience. MasyaAllah I can't wait!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Single (x)

I've had people ask me why I don't have a boyfriend. Jokingly or seriously, I never really know how to answer properly.

I was in college for 2 years. And if you've been a KY kid, you'd know almost everyone is/was with everyone. Like Laguna Beach/Gossip Girl where everyone dated one another. I came out unscathed ! I survived the 2 years without having a longkang session or a walk-together-til-the-walkway-border or eat dinner together at the cafe. None. Nada.

And I was okay with it.

I had best friends around me who had boyfriends. I've listened to all sorts of stories and comforted heartbreaks and swooned with my friends when they were in that period of being so smitten (we've all been there) (and we all miss it) by their partner.
I helped the boyfriends surprise their girlfriends and I've helped the girlfriends plan dinner with their boyfriends and where they should eat and approved outfits for the night and then help cover them from parents. I've even helped deliver flowers to girlfriends from boyfriends.

I've seen it. I was there for it. And while everyone had their late-night boyfriend-girlfriend talks in the hallway, I had to just whiz through rather quickly and awkwardly making small talk ("hey dah habis homework?" or something along those lines). And I always had to make sure that there will be someone I can have my lunch/dinner with so that I wouldn't have to awkwardly sit with a couple.

I never felt pressured to have a boyfriend just 'cause my friends were in relationships. If I had succumbed to peer pressure, I would have started a relationship that was not genuine. A lot of my friends are boyfriend-worthy just because they're really really really lovely and gentlemanly and such sweethearts. But they were my homies. You don't date your homie, bro. It would have been very weird for me and for him and for our friends. I love my guy friends but that 'love' is not transferable and I really cannot imagine being in a romantic relationship with any of them. Don't get me wrong, they're all the best damn guys you'll meet. But that's just that. And I didn't want to force myself into liking them anymore than I already do. It would have been wrong for me and for them. You don't just misplace your heart like that.

You don't say to yourself "I'm going to like the guy, yes, yes, yes I WILL LIKE THAT GUY!". No one does that.

I was not about to be romantically involved with someone just for the sake of having what everyone else had. I was not about to be linked to someone just because everyone had their own special 'someone'.
It was nice seeing couples (although I can't say the same for clingy ones) but I didn't mind seeing it all from a distance. From the point I was standing, I was doing just fine.

I had plenty of happy going around me that I never felt like I needed a boy in my life during those 2 years. I'm pretty damn glad that I spent my 2 years in college being with my mates all the time.

I think all in all, the only reason I can give is that I didn't mind being on my own. I grew up being taught to be very independent and so I never had to rely my own happiness on someone else. That concept is foreign to me. I know so many girls there who have had a ridiculous amount of boyfriends and I really cannot fathom why. I've always found it silly how fast we say our "I love you"'s. So silly how you profess your "I love you"'s so early on in the relationship. Save it for when you KNOW you love him/her. Say it only when he/she means that much to you. And that only comes with time.

Being single is not a bad thing and it shouldn't be thought of in that way. I think this generation thinks too much of the opposite sex and we've grown to be slightly obsessed with being one half of a couple. I think they're cute and they're sweet and sometimes I envy more than I'll ever admit and boyfriends make a hell of a good Instagram photo but sometimes it's nice to be on your own. To think, to create and to be you. I've seen so many of my friends compromise their own self and being for their partner and it's sad to see that. I love the boys as much as the next girl would but I'm doing okay here in Single-ville and that's honestly the only answer I can give. I just wished everyone can understand that too.

Found the saying on Tumblr,

"Respect yourself enough to know you deserve the best"

I'm in no rush to find myself a partner. I'll let life do its thing and if I find someone who'll laugh at my jokes and appreciate my laugh and will go places with me and for me, then I'll marry the hell out of the guy.

So for those still asking "Why are you single?", here's my answer summed up in 2 words...

... "why not?"