Sunday, April 12, 2020


Am listening to Beyonce's 'XO' and it's just bringing me back to the days of Bristol and living my absolute best life. It's making me emotional at 11:41pm on a Saturday night.

I used to do a lot of things in the UK alone. Sure, I had a lot of friends there and they really made my whole 3 years infinitely more fun than what it could've been. But at my truest self, I love being alone. Bristol was my taste of actual adulthood. I thought I was pretty independent before that but nothing hit me like being 10,000km away from home and having to figure out your day-to-day meals.

I'd do anything to go back. I love home so much and everyone who knows me knows that I love being back with my family but Bristol was just something else. The whole experience was all that I looked forward to since my first conversation with Mama about her days in the UK.

Having to go to the city to do my own shopping and figuring out how to live on a budget. Planning for trips around England and Europe with friends. Cooking up a storm for a quiet dinner at home alone. Studying late night for a test the next morning. The daily bus runs. The cold winter and the harsh winds. The early mornings for cheap bus rides to London. The reunions at friends houses. The taxi ride home alone. I miss it so much.

I was supposed to go to London this year with some friends but given the situation, I don't think we'll be making the trip. Was looking forward to it so much but I guess it'd have to wait. The last time I went was for work and I didn't get to go back to Bristol. I would've cried I think. So much of me today is because of those three short years there. It's made me grown up and be so appreciative of everything. I love my life in KL but my Bristol days saw me really transition into an adult. Every decision I had to make, I had no on else to depend on but myself ultimately. And I think I really crave that. I accepted all mistakes and it was refreshing to bear so much responsibility like that haha. 

But anyway, back to the song. This song for some reason transports me back to my favourite walks alone. Whether it was to go grocery shopping, the bus rides alone, the trips to the city for a sneaky shopping treat or to see friends. I was always plugged in and would always go back to this song. It brought so much spring to my step and I would always look around wherever I was, stumped with disbelief that I was really out here living the life I had dreamed of for so long. And this wasn't just in the first week of me being there. This was a continuous thing that led up to my last ever day as a student there. I can't believe it's already close to 4 years since we've left.

Can't wait to see you again.

Til then Bristol, love you like XO.


Saturday, April 4, 2020



How's everyone holding up? We're already 17 days into this MCO and alhamdulillah my family and I are doing good. Zaim had to go for a testing the other day when he found out his colleague had been diagnosed as positive but Zaim came back negative so alhamdulillah for that. I don't think I'd want a cotton swab up my nose, nope no thanks I'm good.

It's been pretty routine at home; on workdays we'd all be downstairs with our laptops and working. We'll clear out during lunch and then back to it 'til evening. We've also made space downstairs for prayers so sometimes we'd pray together which is always very nice. I don't think we've all been home *this* much since primary school. I'm really going to miss this much time together once the MCO is lifted.

Playing Gin Rummy at night with my family. Last we played was last year Raya!

One with Pak Tok on the first day of RMO.

My dad and his selfie on our first day of RMO.

On Mama's birthday! Sad that we couldn't celebrate it out as we usually do but we had a great lunch, ordered in indian food and some dishes from Dolly Dim Sum!

Can't help but think how online food delivery services are THRIVING during this RMO. We've ordered so many things over the past two and a half weeks, so much so that if a delivery guy comes by our street, it's almost always always to us. 

This was me waiting on my colleagues for our first work con call. Missed them!

Some of my many, many Facetime/Zoom sessions. To make up for not actually seeing each other. Last time I've used FT this much was in Bristol!

I was looking through old photos yesterday (as I do almost every other day) and can't help but think when it'd be considered 'normal' to go out with friends beramai-ramai without having to fear of the virus anymore. To when 'social distancing' is nothing but a phrase and not practiced anymore. It's so wild that we're living in what feels like a dystopian world!! My mum went to Tesco the other day and she was saying how weird it was that something so boring and normal like going shopping for groceries has gotten to be so protocoled and strictly controlled. Before going in, the guards would make sure you have a mask on and that you sanitise your hands first and then they would disinfect every trolley before you use them. What a weird time to be in! Who would've thought we'd be here.

So this is just me checking in my blog and hoping that y'all are doing your part in flattening the curve. The more we adhere, the quicker it'll pass by and the quicker we can get to resume normalcy again! I can't wait to hug friends and have fun outside again. The one ever time I've been out of this house throughout this MCO was going to collect clothes from the dryer. 

Have I forgotten how to drive? Have I forgotten how to put on make-up? Have I forgotten how my friends look like? Is One Utama doing ok? Can I hug people after this? When can I organise a dinner party again? When can I start planning my next holiday? Will we get to Raya in Penang this year?

So many uncertainties but I think what's most important is that we do our part in staying home and even when this MCO is lifted, that we still adhere to staying home and not going out unless completely and absolutely necessary. 

Also if I may, I hope we can also look to be empathetic towards those who are having it much worst than us. Donate or spread the word on worthy causes to support those who can't afford to sustain as well as we can. My mum and her school organised a donation to buy these underprivileged students and their families groceries and other essential items. My siblings and I helped to tell our friends and we managed to raise an overwhelming amount. We're all so thankful for it so to those who had contributed, thank you so much. It means so much to my mum, the school and to me. To know I have such generous friends really is the best feeling. To those who are still looking to donate, you still can! Just drop me a message on Instagram or Twitter or anywhere and I'll be happy to let you know on how to proceed. Every bit counts so any amount is welcomed and much, much appreciated. 

Thanks, everyone. Hope to see y'all sooner than later! In the meantime, stay home and watch Money Heist or something.