Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Jonghyun x

So yesterday evening I was on my secondary Twitter account (dedicated to all things Korean because I kinda didn't want to have my current feed bombarded with like, 300 K-pop accounts) when I came across a tweet that said the lead singer of popular K-Pop group, SHINee was found unconscious in an apartment in Seoul. His name was Jong Hyun. 

Now, I love SHINee. Maybe not as much as a proper fan but I mean, I do love them. I still follow them rather regularly and I keep track of their new releases and whatnot. And Tania and I even managed to see them at the SMTown building. That was pretty surreal because it was my first time seeing them up close.

Yesterday, he was found unconscious and was rushed to the hospital and after what seemed to be the longest time, he was pronounced dead. There were news going around that he was responding well to a treatment by the doctors but ultimately he succumbed to his death. He died from carbon monoxide poisoning and it was an apparent case of suicide. And then this wave of uncontrollable sadness just overwhelmed me and I cried. I cried because he must've had so much to deal with on his own, and it must've been so difficult for him to wake up every morning. I know a lot of Asians seem to dismiss mental illness. Apparently very true in his case in his long suicide note where he said his doctors weren't helpful and instead, had rubbished his depression and denounced his own depression on his own personality. I don't know how depression would feel but it must've been so dark for him. Breaks my heart to know that he performs his all for his fans for 9 years only to come back from that feeling so alone and dark. 

Before performing for his last concert, he handed his suicide note to a friend who then alerted the family. The family knew about it and was keeping a close eye on him and comforted him just to make sure he was doing fine. You can read the suicide note (in which Jong Hyun himself told the friend to make public whenever he would leave) here (Part 1) and here (Part 2) . It's a long one and I'm still trying to make sense of it but it's heartbreaking. I can't imagine the ones close to him. His mum, sister, friends. Especially the rest of his group members who has spent the later part of their lives together. All 4 members were assigned to be Chief Mourners at his memorial which basically means they were in charge of greeting all the ones who came to pay their respects. It's usually a role assigned to a family member so this speaks volume of how they were as a group. 

Mental illness should be discussed more freely and more often. Especially amongst Asians. We seem to not understand the magnitude of it. It's as if it's something we can get over pretty easily. For me, even throwing around the word 'depressed' feels wrong. I've stopped saying it a long time ago because it's such a dangerous adjective to be bouncing off conversations. It belittles the illness. 

Just be nice to everyone. Be understanding of everyone and be kind. Always choose to be kind. Everyone faces their own battles, unknown to most. Don't belittle depression, accept and acknowledge it as it is - an illness. Actually, just don't belittle any type of mental illness. Who are we to decide how someone feels.

Wake up everyday and feel grateful that you're not engulfed in darkness and that you don't have demons in your head but be mindful and accommodating to those who do.

We're all that we have. We share this space on earth with so many people. We need to respect and be kind to one another. Don't dismiss it as something that they'll get over easily. Don't dictate how others should feel. I hope this sheds light on the mental illness and suicide rate in Korea and everywhere else. Following this unfortunate incident, I'm trying to educate myself on mental illness and I think everyone should do too. We shouldn't be taking this lightly as we have been in the past. We need to address it and we need to do better where and when we can. 

Jong Hyun was a wonderful performer and he was a respected artist in the Korean pop industry. He was funny, entertaining and so sweet to everyone around him. Apt to the name of the group he rose to fame in, he was a star and he will always be. I can't put into words how sad I feel that he had to go through that alone. How hard it must've been for him to end the pain he was going through. 

I wish love and light for everyone suffering depression or any form of mental illness and I hope you pull through this, one day at a time. You are worth it and you are wonderful and you deserve a lifetime of great happiness. I'm sorry you don't feel it yet but with lots of prayers and wishes, you will. I pray that the day you see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it's just a glimpse, comes soon. 

Jong Hyun, thank you for making days brighter for those who cared for you. I got into K-pop just as SHINee was about to make a come back for View and I got into it so quick after hearing SHINee's music. You and SHINee played a part in my love for K-pop which is why I've been speechless about this until now. I can't put this into words.

Taken from SMTOWN Global's official twitter. (Translation: Jonghyun, who loved music and enjoyed the stage more than anyone else and who loved communicating with his fans through music. The best artist. We'll remember you forever)

May God bless and may the days to come be full of joy and warmth and ease.


Monday, December 11, 2017

Burgers at the hospital

Ok so hi.

I have the day off tomorrow! Yayyyy, I love public holidays and I don't care what anyone says! I'm essentially only working 4 days of next week and then I'll be off 'til 2018 and I'm so stoked! It'll feel like cuti sekolah again. I can imagine allll the days of me lying down and watching endless dramas.

I've started getting into Designated Survivor and it was... ok. It wasn't fantastic but ok lah, I was from one episode to another. It wasn't gripping. I watched it on my Netflix trying to squeeze as much as I can before the free trial ends in about a week. I haven't utilised much of it to be completely honest. When I was watching Designated Survivor, I was sleeping at 3-4am which is horrible because I had to get up at 9 the next day! And waking up at 9 would usually mean I'm at least 15 minutes late to work. So I stopped while I was ahead (or more like it got boring and meh) and now I'm... kinda back to a normal-ish sleeping routine? I was breaking out from sleeping so little so I'm trying to gain back all the hours I missed out on sleeping. Tonight, though, I think I'm going be up late. Since I'm at liberty to wake up pretty late tomorrow. EXCITED!

Today was pretty eventful. Got up early to go and see my friend, Hafeez, who got involved in a pretty horrific car accident. Alhamdulillah syukur, he only escaped with just a broken collarbone (still very ouch because he had to have a plate with 7 (!!) screws inserted). I got McDonalds breakfast for him and for another friend and we ate in the hospital room. This would be my second time having a meal in a hospital room because of a friend who got admitted. And hopefully my last! Maybe the next time when someone has given birth or something. But drive safely everyone!!! No one wants to have 7 screws in their body!!! He even made fun of how airport security is going to be a bitch from now on with all the metal in his body. *rolls eyes* And they say I'm dramatic.

Me with my burger. And my friend, the temporarily disabled Hafeez.

And then I got home and rested for a bit - tried watching an episode of something but it was sooooo slow so I slept hahaha. Had a birthday dinner at a Japanese restaurant at PJ and I had a plate of unagi cheese maki. I think that was what it was called? It was ok. I'm still so-so with Japanese food but it was the company that was a lot more enjoyable! Haven't seen the lot since the last week of Raya so I really looked forward to seeing everyone tonight.

I haven't hung out with friends in so long so a night out was much needed. I like to be reminded that I'm 24 and still young hahaha

So, another one leaves the team. Cryyyy. Raissa, the creative and marketing girl at NH has officially left the team. She is such a ball of sunshine and she makes our days in the office. So bubbly and so loud all the time, she's such a gem and we'll miss her lots and lots but she's just so good at what she does that wherever she lucks out on, she'll do amazing things! Love you girl, can't wait to see what's in store for you!!

Random tangent but BTS (aka favourite Korean boy group ever... in life... in the history of ever) just held their huge concert in Korea and I'm determined as ever to save up to go for their concert soon. I just need to. It's just something I HAVE to go for, I cannot pass up the opportunity again. Stay tuned!!! 

Photos from their official Twitter account.

Ok going to continue watching that really slow drama because my sister swears by it and it's being produced by the same folks over at Reply 1988 (y'know... the one that I'm an unofficial ambassador of) so I'm quite determined to watch it at least 'til the end of the first episode. With these Korean dramas, sometimes you need to just give it a chance. But damn, it's an hour and a half PER EPISODE. Yep, definitely the same people from Reply 1988 behind this one.

This post is so messy but oh well.

Have a wonderful Monday, everyone! Just to rub it in your face, I'll be in bed 'til at least 2pm. On a MONDAY. Night!


Friday, December 1, 2017

It's December??

Um hello hi it's already December. Didn't we ALL just tweeted out "May the 4th be with you"???

Anyway, apologies for the non-blogging. I've just been busy, tired and uninspired to write about anything. I haven't taken a break from working so I still have a good amount of leave days left to be utilised. My family and I aren't making trips anywhere this year because we still have 2 girls in uni and they don't get much of a term break. I'm planning to only making a trip to Penang because I want to go see my grandparents and well, I really love Penang. And we're thinking of getting the train this time which should be fun. 

I'm excited for the new year to start. These past few weeks have seen me question a lot of my choices over the year. I feel like I can do so much better but I'm stalling it for absolutely no reason. It's hindering me from potentially doing things that are above and beyond me. Like I can see it but I can't seem to get there. It's very suffocating and frustrating. Which is why I kinda don't mind seeing the new year come quicker. I feel I need a new slate - starting now in December feels like a last minute effort to have things 0-100. I've already drafted new resolutions and I'm determined to make it happen. 2017 was brilliant, it was the first full year of being a proper working adult. But I need a new, clean, organised state. My mum has been posting throwback photos of our younger selves and she's so reminiscent about it which is cute. I can't believe I'm about to turn 25 next month. What's going on????? 


It's a long weekend for us here in Malaysia - yay! I was working both days last weekend for an event and it was hella hectic. We had a booth at Marktplatz which is Mimpikita's annual warehouse sale and we were one of the vendors. We sold soooo many shoes and we never really got to take a breather, it was manic! By the end of day 1, my whole body was sore which I thought was my body being dramatic until my friend told me the same thing. Second day of the event was a bit quiet in the morning but picked up pace by the end of the day. We walked away with a handsome amount of sales which is always good but man, that shit was tiring. Selling shoes to women looking for bargains is.. no... joke...

With my partner-in-crime. 

Syazwan and Nina were the one of many friends I met over the weekend. 

Good job, team! 

I wanted to blog some other things but I think I'll have it spread out to a few other posts. I'm going to have my haircut tomorrow and I AM SO STOKED!! 

Hope everyone has a lazy weekend! Don't check your work email.