XO

Am listening to Beyonce's 'XO' and it's just bringing me back to the days of Bristol and living my absolute best life. It's making me emotional at 11:41pm on a Saturday night.

I used to do a lot of things in the UK alone. Sure, I had a lot of friends there and they really made my whole 3 years infinitely more fun than what it could've been. But at my truest self, I love being alone. Bristol was my taste of actual adulthood. I thought I was pretty independent before that but nothing hit me like being 10,000km away from home and having to figure out your day-to-day meals.

I'd do anything to go back. I love home so much and everyone who knows me knows that I love being back with my family but Bristol was just something else. The whole experience was all that I looked forward to since my first conversation with Mama about her days in the UK.

Having to go to the city to do my own shopping and figuring out how to live on a budget. Planning for trips around England and Europe with friends. Cooking up a storm for a quiet dinner at home alone. Studying late night for a test the next morning. The daily bus runs. The cold winter and the harsh winds. The early mornings for cheap bus rides to London. The reunions at friends houses. The taxi ride home alone. I miss it so much.

I was supposed to go to London this year with some friends but given the situation, I don't think we'll be making the trip. Was looking forward to it so much but I guess it'd have to wait. The last time I went was for work and I didn't get to go back to Bristol. I would've cried I think. So much of me today is because of those three short years there. It's made me grown up and be so appreciative of everything. I love my life in KL but my Bristol days saw me really transition into an adult. Every decision I had to make, I had no on else to depend on but myself ultimately. And I think I really crave that. I accepted all mistakes and it was refreshing to bear so much responsibility like that haha. 

But anyway, back to the song. This song for some reason transports me back to my favourite walks alone. Whether it was to go grocery shopping, the bus rides alone, the trips to the city for a sneaky shopping treat or to see friends. I was always plugged in and would always go back to this song. It brought so much spring to my step and I would always look around wherever I was, stumped with disbelief that I was really out here living the life I had dreamed of for so long. And this wasn't just in the first week of me being there. This was a continuous thing that led up to my last ever day as a student there. I can't believe it's already close to 4 years since we've left.

Can't wait to see you again.

Til then Bristol, love you like XO.

xx