Sunday, December 25, 2022

Friends Who Weren't There

I've quit Instagram several times before. My longest stint was 2 months away from it. It was exactly what I needed and I felt an improvement in my life and mental health.

I'm currently off it. It's still there but I haven't been on the account for about 3-4 months. So I'm behind on some life updates from friends and acquaintances but maybe that's for the best. I had to make some changes in my life and being off Instagram was one of it. I will however say I do have a private one that I keep only for close friends. I have about 30 girls on it and they're some of my closest friends. Even there I've muted everyone's Stories so I only pick and choose whose I do click on to watch.

Social media has been toxic only because I'm at that age where people's achievements include high-paying jobs, luxurious holiday trips, marriage, children, etc. And as secure as you might claim to be, sometimes, on your off days, you catch yourself feeling like you've done nothing and that you're so behind. You can watch all the encouraging Tik Tok's and videos that say otherwise but sometimes there's just really nothing that'll convince you from what you've already started to internalise. That you're so far behind what is acceptable in society.

So that's why I'm off Instagram. I don't know if I want to come back because I've already made myself really comfortable in the confines of my 30-friends account. Being able to post my everyday and sharing personal life updates with friends that really matter to me (and who reached out to me when I wasn't feeling my best) is the only way I wanna go about social media these days. 

I've always known to be the friend that is friends with just about everyone and anyone. I love initiating friendships and I also love maintaining it. I'm the friend that will be game for just about any hang and will drive places to meet friends. I'd be active in Whatsapp group chats and will be at every party. 

So 2023 is the year I'll change that. I'll be turning 30 insyaAllah. The latter of 2022 was tough for me. Still is, if I'm honest. And there were friends who checked up on me and there were friends who went radio silent. To ease the process of healing, I'd like to see it at as a hikmah to this hardship. That through a difficult time, the real friends showed up. The true ones who stuck by me, looked after me and assured me they were in my corner. 

We're keeping the circle small and sweet this year and insyaAllah for all the years to come. We're taking this 'self-care' thing seriously. And that means removing people who weren't reciprocating that energy you've poured out. People who want to leave our lives... we've just gotta let them miss out. 


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