I miss missing

Diy asked me the other day,

"Nadia, do you feel lonely?"

I was a bit stunned because I've never really been asked that before.

I answered plainly, though. I said,

"Yeah, of course"

Because I do.

It's not that I don't love being alone. I do! Anyone close to me know that even they hardly see me around because I like being at home by myself and just doing my own thing. Occasionally, I'd go out and hang with them but it's not often that I do. I just sometimes prefer the company of just me. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Everyone functions differently, right? I function the way I do and you function the way you do.

But do I feel lonely? To be perfectly honest, yes I do.

I do find myself wanting to have special company. I do find myself wanting to have someone to call late night and tell them my day, however boring it might be.

I do find myself wanting to go on dinner dates and to just have my heart flutter once in a while.

So I guess, I do feel lonely in that aspect of things.

I miss the idea of it.

I miss being coy and flirty.

I miss waiting for their phone calls so we can talk for a long long time.

I miss texting back and forth with someone talking about everything in the world.

I miss going on dates.

I miss making future plans with someone, plans so big and wondrous with each other.

I miss having my heart beat twice as much when I see them.

I miss having big huge butterflies in my stomach.

I miss having inside jokes with just that one person.

Above all,

I just miss loving someone.