23rd March 2011

I'm so upset. Words can't describe. I can't help but feel so disappointed with myself. Also because I feel like I've disappointed my parents and my grandparents. I mean, I know I've done my ultimate best but it bothers me so much to know that what I call my 'best' is not good enough. I'm so heartbroken everytime I think about it. Like, literally. Tears well up everytime I think about not getting my straight A's. I was seriously hoping I'd do good so I can get some sort of scholarship to help me get into a good college. Parents have made it clear that they won't be paying for a private college. I'm so sad right now I think because I've always wanted to be in KYUEM. And it sucks to know chances are low. I feel like I still need to cry it out. Even if it takes a couple of days. I don't feel like seeing anyone though.

God has plans for all of us. Everything happens for a reason. Let me tell you right now that in the future, when I've settled in college/university, I'm going to look back on my SPM days and study 10 times more and push myself more. This is my own personal promise.

So;

I'm going to cry it all out. Even if it means not seeing anyone for a while. Even if it means my eyes will be too swollen for the next few days. I need to get it out for my system for me to be okay.

I'm also going to do well in the future because God damn it, I deserve it !

P/S : I can't tell you how much I'm so proud of my girls (and boys) on their excellent results. Dina, I'm so happy for you tau tak because you're such a sweetheart and you deserve all the good things in the world ! Thank you for helping me with my studies (even if it took a lot of patience), may God bless you now and always ! And my lovely table mate of 3 years, Ila. Seriously, in my eyes, you did just as well as them who got straight A's. I'm not even kidding you. You worked SO hard it only makes perfect sense that you got what you got. SO SO SO deserving. Wishing you both such a bright future and for every good things to happen to both of you. Makes me so proud to call you both my good friends :")

Also to my other friends. You know what, it doesn't matter. 2A's or 10A's. God has a plan for all of us, none forgotten. We may not see it now but it's there. Let's be better. It's not the end of the world. If anything, it's a good thing. Because then, we'll be looking back on this day and remember what we got and we'll work harder. Push ourselves more and be the ultimate best we can be. There's nothing stopping us damn it !