How I Do Not Care For My Exam Results

It's as if I can't do what I want.

It's as if my dreams are actually laughable to some people. Some people I care the most

It's as if it doesn't matter what I want to do.

My dad has clearly told me that he won't be paying for college and that I should be depending on scholarships. Memang senang is it to get scholarships ? Last time I checked, they were only given to offsprings to the likes of Newton and Einstein.

Can everyone just stop being so hopeful and ambitious about my SPM results ? I mean, seriously lah, let's get realistic. Memang harapan lah nak dapat 9A++++ kan !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then stop hoping for that scholarship to come knocking on the door can ? Ugh. Annoys me to no apparent end when people bring up SPM results. I don't give a damn when it's coming. It can come whenever it wants. I don't really want to know jugak. Those who want to know and are anxious to find out how they did probably already know by now that they're getting straight A's.

It's like, what if I don't do well ? What happens then ? Am I not going to college at all ? Is that how it works ? Since, y'know, I'm not getting scholarships and all. I'm not trying to be the sucky pessimist but COME ON, PEOPLE. Can you stop it with your 'So what are you going to do with your 10 As nanti ?'. It just saddens me because I feel like I won't be able to reach your expectations.

So, please. Stop it. Stop with the high expectations. Stop with the 'I won't be paying your college fees'. Stop with the 'What do you want to do?' and then when I say what I want to do, people look at me differently and suggest something else.

LAST TIME I CHECKED, THIS LIFE IS MINE !

It's getting under my skin. I'm so envious with people who HAVE started college already. It's like SPM results don't really matter anymore because they're in a good school already. In my case, I'm depending on my results and well, we'll see how that goes lah kan ?

Kerja kat Topshop lah seumur hidup like this.......