In elementary school, I was the kid who didn't had a crush on the popular boy just like every girl then. Everyone knew that. I was so lying. Of course there was a boy. I just hid it well. And when I told them today that I too joined the club (secretly) and had the typical school girl crush on the popular boy, they hit me with pillows as a result for not telling them then.
I remember some of them would ask "Not even a small tiny little crush? Sikit satu atom pun tak? No one?!". I'd smile and say, 'No, takde.'
Honestly, I'd never would have thought they'd believe me and throughout the years, they bought it. I was thankful for that, though.
When I told Kyrina about the cute boys at the seminar we attended (ada sikit la, tapi lupa dah macam mana rupa), she would say, "OHMYGOD, what happened to the old Nadia, the one yang tak suka siapa siapa? You grew up! Aww (';"
I guess I did.
Cheers to that
We girls can't escape the reality of accepting the presence of the opposite sex in our lives. Often, the ones we want are the ones we can't have. Either that or they're already someone else's to be loved and cared for. Or maybe they're just gay. Hampehhh.
I daresay I was close to having one. A boyfriend, I mean. I just backed out. Reason being I'm not ready at all. I just want to go with the flow, you get? Wait til I'm settled in university or something. It sounds so far away but what's the rush? A race to see who gets the most boyfriends by the end of the school year ? Psh. Nonsense.
It's different with me. I don't want to have the feeling of breaking up and crying buckets for the lad who dumped me or vice versa. I mean, it's not like I won't have that at all (the whole breaking up dilemma, I mean) in my life, of course I would, I'm just saying I don't want THAT now. It's too early in life to have a serious boyfriend. I want to be really in love when I finally call myself someone's girlfriend. Like, really really really in love. And that to me, is not now. Sure, I'd have a little flutter of the heart when I speak to a crush (as of now? ada beberapa HAHAHA). My plan is to get married by mid to late 20s. I'm only 15. That gives me a lot of time to find 'The One', kan ? I just don't get the rush that people are pushing me towards. Why now? Maybe when I turn 19 ? Hell, maybe 25 ? Usually patience pays off. I'm hoping it will for this.
[ Oh before I get carried away, whoever here reading who is in love and blissfully in a great relationship, I'm sorry if you get offended with this post but please don't. I'm sure you both are very happy and if you're a friend, I'm happy for you (tumpang gembira, namanya HAHA). Really I am. Don't take it personal. This is just me and my point of perspective. It's nothing, really. Tapi kalau tak suka, you can always press the little X button on your top left or right (depending on what you use, really) and exit your way to a merrier blog. ]
It's not a matter of the parents (but having your mum as a teacher does get in your way sometimes). I can always use THEIR background as a defense. My mum told me my dad had 3 girlfriends at the same time at one point. And that he started sending out love letters at the age of 13. HAH. Lagi teruk, adalah.
But no,
it's a matter of me.
I'll wait. Til when? I have NO idea, love. I want to take things slow. And see where it'll lead. Maybe I'll find him in my university or on a train ride to France (ok, pushing it hahahaha)? Or he's the incredibly cute geek in the library, catching up on his reading (a guy who reads, extra points) ? A star player, maybe? Imaginations may run wild but for all you know, he's right here, reading this.
Tough luck, buddy. I won't know.
But being friends won't be such a bad start, eh?
I'll be the first to admit, I'm not exactly what a typical guy would want in a girl. Compared to the millions of girls out there, my looks are well, nothing to really look at. Haha. I'm being totally real. I've reflected myself and I'm blessed with 2 eyes, 2 ears, a mouth and a nose and nothing running short, thankfully. But don't tell me you haven't had the smallest wish of a smoother skin, kan? (I just wish some of you would stop complaining on how you've gotten fat when clearly you're just asking other people to convince you otherwise and even to the extent of complimenting.) But some guys are so obvious in marking their territory on all the pretty girls on myspace, facebook or wherever. It's so hard to look at. When they have about the prettiest bunch of girls on their top friends, you can't help but wonder if they're real friends or just some decoration. And with THOSE girls occupying your time, people like me are just practically worth a glance and nothing more. What happen to inner beauty ? Gone just like the chivalry the world once had.
Love is something so beautiful and sometimes, blinding. I'll venture into it when I'll get older and am on a search for The One. For the time being, let me just be a kid with grades to worry about and not on what I'm suppose to wear for the date I'm nervously anticipating. It'll come. The day where that guy and I will go out for the dinner that either one of us asked the other. I'll blog about it some day on how I met this guy that I have fallen head over heels for, you can count on that. Gambar pun boleh (HAHAHA). The day will come when I'll have enough courage to bring the guy home to meet the parents. The moment will arrive when he asks for my hand in marriage and I'll get all teary up only to be wiped seconds later to start planning the wedding! The time will come when I'll be in a relationship and then maybe I'll get what the hype is all about. Just not now. I'll wait.
Like how I always do.
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